im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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