So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
