do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
