Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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