We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
