it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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