Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i think i have two assholes
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
