why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
