i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Randomize
