It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
