I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
ttyl tear gas
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
