thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Randomize
