Do you still have your period?
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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