Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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