That's when you crack a 10am beer
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
