I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
