So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
