i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
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