wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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