Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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