So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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