Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
