by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
