Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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