What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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