i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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