her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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