dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
