he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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