Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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