im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Randomize
