we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
