WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
