he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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