Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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