i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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