My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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