I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
