I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
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