Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize