Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
It's rum buckets o'clock
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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