he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Randomize
