why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
