remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
This baby is an asshole
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
