I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
