Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
