if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Randomize
