i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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