It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
