Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
