How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Did I show you my penis last night?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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