TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
pop tarts are not kleenex
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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