Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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