As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Randomize
