You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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