I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
