is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
