yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
