Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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