Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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