We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
They took my balls.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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