My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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