I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
