dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
