Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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