i wish my penis had a tongue
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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