2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I don't think brook has ever known best
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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