remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize