FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
